There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
