Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize