i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
