Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
