She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
