Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
