Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
