i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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