I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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