he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
