I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
3 2 1 whiskey
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
