Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize