Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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