Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
wow bdsm is so cute
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
