only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
