Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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