hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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