...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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