Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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