he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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