Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
