you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
