youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
