I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I puked a lego.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
