Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
