Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
