Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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