if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In other news, I just burned my penis
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
