Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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