remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
tell me about the eggs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
