We're like a lot better than the average bears
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
