its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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