I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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