nut hugger
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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