anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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