I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
