she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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