Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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