I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
