You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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