They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
