just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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