dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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