When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
