My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
