Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
