Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
