Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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