is wine microwaveable?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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