dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
